Shattered Heart
by stagndoeforever
Summary: What if Lily fell in love with the wrong man. A man who at first seemed so perfect, yet later was so imperfect. How does she cope when her trust is shattered and her world turned upside down. *Trigger warning: domestic violence, rape, and other adult content. M for a reason. L/J
1. Chapter 1: Meeting Mr Handsome

**This is my first attempt at Fanfiction so please be kind. M for some content. If this bothers you please do not read. Otherwise enjoy, reviews greatly appreciated. ~StagNDoe**

 **Anything you recognize belongs to the amazing J.K. Rowling. I simply have the pleasure of using her amazing characters for my own creative desires. XD**

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 **CHAPTER ONE: Meeting Mr. Handsome**

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Things weren't always bad. In fact, Josh had once been loving, sweet, and charming. Loving him had been easy, at first. Now, now it was a nightmare Lily couldn't escape.

 _*~*~Flashback*~*~_

"Don't look now but you have an admirer?" Alice whispered just loud enough for Lily to hear over the restaurant noise. Lily raised her eyebrow curiously at her friend before glancing around, locating Mr. Tall Dark & Handsome.

He sat at a back table all alone. His blue eyes, so light they were almost gray, stared at her with an intense focus. Their eyes met, his lips curling into a breathtaking smile.

"Your blushing!" Alice all but squealed in her ear. "Go talk to him. He's been staring at you for the last five minutes."

"No! No way." Lily said, her eyes finally leaving Mr. Handsome.

"Lily Marie Evans! For once in your life do something exciting!" Alice exclaimed, before shoving Lily to her feet in the direction Mr. Handsome.

Lily shot Alice a glare before continuing on the path her friend had forced her on.

"Hi." She said. "Care for some company?"

"How can a man say no to a woman as beautiful as you." Mr. Handsome replied, giving her yet another breathtaking smile. Lily felt her cheeks heat indicating her deep blush.

It was almost sinful how good-looking he was. Lily hadn't stood a chance. Things started out slow. Mr. Handsome, or Josh has she later discovered was his name, was 3 years older than her and a Hogwarts alumni. He worked for the Wizard's Quidditch Committee (WQC) as an International Director. One conversation turned into dozens of letters. Josh was so sweet. He would frequently send her flowers and various gifts but between Hogwarts and his work travels, Josh and Lily didn't get to see each other much. It didn't seem to matter, however because by the end of 6th year Josh and Lily had been dating for months.

"I missed you." Josh said, greeting her with a kiss and his usual trade mark smile that always made her stomach do cartwheels.

"I missed you too." She said, her arms still wrapped around him in a tender embrace.

"I have a surprise for you." He said smiling at her, his beautiful blue/gray eyes bright with excitement.

"You mean beyond your meeting me at the station? You should have told me you were going to be here I would have cleaned up a bit. I'm a mess, sitting on the train for hours."

"You look beautiful, as always." He said, "but no this isn't my surprise. The WQC has some local business that they want me to manage so I'll be in London all summer…no traveling."

"You're going to be in London all summer!" Lily exclaimed, excited by the prospect of having her boyfriend over the summer holiday.

He chuckled at her excitement. "Yes, and I want you all to myself." He whispered privately in her ear. His voice suddenly deeper, sexier, making Lily's heart flutter with excitement and desire. He kissed her, not like the kiss they had shared moments before. This kiss was much more intimate. Lily could feel his passion as his teeth grazed her lips, playfully nipping. All too soon, he pulled away leaving Lily feeling breathless and hot. He, however appeared to be undisturbed even calm, except for his eyes. His eyes were the only things that told of his desire. His gazed roamed her body.

"Come let's get you home." He said leading her away from the train station. He pulled her along, his body holding her in a tender embrace.


	2. Chapter 2: No!

**Next chapter. What do you guys think so far? Remember this is my first attempt at Fanfiction so constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks for reading! ~StagNDoe**

 **Anything you recognize belongs to the amazing J.K. Rowling. I simply have the pleasure of using her amazing characters for my own creative desires. XD**

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 **CHAPTER TWO: No!**

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"Josh.." Lily said breathless, her heart was beating uncontrollably. Her skin was warm and flushed. She had to fight the urge to moan when Josh bit at her neck, sucking her pressure point. "Josh. We have to stop." She said, finally managing to push him away. She crossed her arms over her naked chest; providing both a barrier to his addictive touch and additional warmth for her body which was now chill without his body heat.

"No…" Josh said frustration now apparent in his voice. "No we don't."

"Yes. Josh we do." Lily said dodging his hands which were now trying to pull her back to him. "This has gone too far as it is."

"Lily…" Josh said, finally sitting back and focusing on her face instead of other parts of her body. "Your killing me you know that."

Lily giggled, hearing Josh's voice, full of sexual frustration. "I think you'll live." She said kissing him sweetly on cheek.

Josh groaned again he took her hands in his, forcing her to look at him. "I love you, Lily." He said, his eyes flashing with heat.

"I love you too." Lily said "But I'm not ready yet. We've talked about this." She said sensing his frustration. She could see the heat in his eyes, partly from passion but also from frustration.

"Damn it, Lily!" He said his voice raising in anger. "Why! If you love me why must we play these games?!" In his outburst his grip tightened on her hands.

"Because I said no! I don't have to explain myself beyond that!" Her own voice was now raised indicating her flared temper. "I love you, Josh but this conversation is getting old." She attempted to pull away from him but his grip tightened. "Josh, let go. You're hurting me!"

"You're such a damn tease!" He said, his voice now dark with anger. "This has gone on long enough. No more waiting."

His grip became a death hold. Lily's stomach clenched in fear. She had never seen Josh so angry. She tried to pull away from him, fighting his grip but it was useless. He was so much stronger than her. A fact that became even more apparent when he pushed her back, pinning her to the bed with his body weight.

"JOSH STOP!" Lily screamed, fighting his hold but it was useless he wasn't listening to her anymore. Something was different about him. Gone was any tenderness, replaced instead by a terrifying violence.

"Shut up bitch!" He said, slapping her across the face. Still holding her down, he forced her legs apart. Lily was powerless. She tried to fight him but in doing so only managed to anger him more and hurt herself. Tears ran down her face as she felt his touch run down her body. She wanted to be sick. _This can't be happening!_ Her mind screamed against the pain, feeling him forcefully enter her body. Lily bit her lip to keep herself from screaming out. She turned her head to the side avoid is dark and terrifying eyes. Eyes that had once been so tender were now hateful and violent. She could no longer feel her hands, his grip cutting off her blood circulation. He assaulted her at an increased speed, his body tensing with each jerking motion.

"Lily.." He moaned her name, the sound causing her stomach to twist sickly. Not long after he collapsed on top her. The sudden weight knocking the breath out of her. He remained a top of her for a moment before climbing off, leaving her alone on the bed, crying. She could hear him move around the room, dressing. She was immobilized by fear and shock. Once dressed Josh regretfully returned to her.

"That was amazing, love." He said forcing Lily to turn her head so that he could kiss her cheek. She flinched at his touch. Her body convulsing with uncontrollable body tremors.

"Where is that fiery sprit I love so much?" He gave a disgusting laugh, taunting her. "Have a good year at Hogwarts, love. Write to me. I miss you already." With that final goodbye he stood and walked out of the room, leaving Lily alone.


	3. Chapter 3: Admitting the Truth

**Checked in on this story for the first time in a couple of days and was so excited to see that people are actually reading! Now I'm curious, what do you guy think of it? This is my first story so please, please leave me so reviews. I want to know what you think!**

 **This is the last completed chapter that I currently have. I'm planning on writing some more this weekend if things go according to plan. Need to figure out how to bring the Marauders into the drama! Anyone have any brilliant ideas/suggestions. I might take them into consideration. xD**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading. Enjoy the next chapter!**

 **I have not rights to Harry Potter. I am simply a fan, the same as all of you.**

 **CHAPTER THREE: Admitting the Truth**

She had managed to avoid the laughter and merriment, for now at least. Watching friends come together after months of separation was typically her favorite part of a new year. Today, however Lily's mood didn't reflect the happiness of her fellow peers. She was thankful that the closed compartment door dulled the laughter and joy, providing her with seclusion. Her gloomy mood didn't match the high spirts of her peers and friends. Better that she avoid it all together, not bring attention to herself. It had been two days since her encounter with Josh. Thankfully she had not seen or heard from him. She hoped it would stayed that way. However, she suspected that wouldn't be the case. His words haunted her, ' _Write to me. I miss you already.'_ Her body was still recovering. The light bruising on her legs and thighs was mostly gone. It didn't cause her much discomfort anymore. It was her face and wrists which presented some difficulty. Lily's wrists were covered in dark blue and purple bruises, proof of how tight Josh had held her hands as she had struggled against him. Her face, specifically her upper cheekbone, sported a singular bruise where Josh had struck her. It had taken her all morning to carefully apply make-up so that the mark disappeared from her complexion. When they reached Hogwarts Lily planned on using a concealing charm to hide all of her marks. Until then she wasn't allowed to use magic. She just hoped that no one noticed until then. Mentally she was drained. Her eyes were blood shot from lack of sleep. She'd barely slept in the last 48 hours. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel his hands on her, making her feel as though she were suffocating. She had barely spoken to her parents before leaving to return to Hogwarts. Her mother and father didn't take much notice of her behavior, although that wasn't much of a surprised. Her dad worked a lot and her mum was caught up in wedding preparations. Her sister was going to marry that awful walrus man, Dursley. For once it was a blessing to be invisible in her own family. It meant she didn't have to answer difficult questions. Hiding was easy. Hogwarts would be a different story. She didn't know how she was going to manage her friends, Alice especially. Nothing seemed to get past Alice. As if on cue the compartment burst open.

"LILY!" Alice yelled. "I have been looking everywhere for you!" The petite brunette gave her a tight hug. Lily had to fight to keep herself from wincing.

"Goodness. You look awful." Alice observed, her bright brown eyes meeting hers. "Are you ill?"

"A little." Lily lied. "I haven't been feeling so well of late." She felt bad lying to her friend, but Lily wasn't ready to confess what had happened. She didn't know if she would ever be ready for that.

"Aww. Hasn't Josh been taking care of you? He was in London over the summer wasn't he?" Alice was a huge fan of Josh. She thought that he was handsome and sweet. The romantic in her simply couldn't resist.

Lily tensed hearing his name. The action that wasn't missed by Alice's ever observant eyes.

"Lily…did you and Josh get into a fight?" Alice prompted.

"No." Lily said quickly but the word caught in her throat, indicating her emotions.

"What happened?" Alice asked, scooting closer placing her hand over Lily's . "You're obviously upset." Lily couldn't prevent the tears from gathering in her eyes.

"You're crying!" Alice exclaimed softly, pulling the redhead into a comforting embrace, rubbing back softly.

Lily's shook her head, refusing to speak. Tears were now running down her face. Her emotions were running wild. She should have known she wouldn't be able to suppress her feelings with Alice. She was barely managing before; and Alice always had a knack for getting Lily to open up.

"Did you break up?" Alice whispered in her ear, still embracing her. Lily continued to sob into her friends shoulder. The little bit of strength she had previously possessed was now gone, replaced by sorrow and fear.

"Lily. Talk to me. You're scaring me." Alice said, finally pulling away to look into her face.

Lily heard her friend gasp. "Your face…" She heard Alice say. Lily's hands flew to her face. Her makeup had smeared from crying, revealing the bruise on her cheekbone.

"What happened?" Alice said, her voice no longer tender but instead fierce and commanding.

Lily pulled away, shaking her head. "Nnnothing." She stuttered. "Its nothing. I was a klutz."

"Do not lie to me Lily Evans! Did he hit you?" Alice asked her voice still demanding, scary almost.

Lily nodded, unable to look at her friend from shame.

"Tell me everything." Alice said.

"That bastard!" Alice yelled. Lily had finally showed Alice her bruised wrists and arms. "That sadistic bastard! Oh! Lily I'm sorry. I can't help but feel like this is my fault. You would have never met Josh if I hadn't forced you to talk to him." Alice pulled Lily into another hug. As much as it hurt Lily to retell what had happened, it somehow made her feel better. Hearing Alice's anger somehow eased the guilt and shame she had been feeling. It seemed to give her strength.

"No Alice. This isn't your fault." Lily pulled out of Alice's embrace. She didn't like hearing Alice blame herself for this. Lily had done enough self-blaming to last a lifetime. It was time that the blame to finally be placed on the proper person's shoulder. "Josh has shown his true colors. He and I are over! I just wish I wasn't so afraid. I wish I could just move on."

Alice met Lily's eyes. "You will Lily, and you won't have to do it by yourself. You will always have me." For the first time in two days Lily smiled. She smiled because she knew the truth behind her friend's words. She wasn't alone.


	4. Chapter 4: Head Boy

**Here you are, next chapter. Let me know what you guys think so far. Sorry if there's typo btw. I didn't have time to do as much editing.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter.**

 **CHAPTER 4: Head Boy**

Hogwarts. She was so happy to be returning to the majestic castle. To Lily Hogwarts had always brought a sense of peace, a feeling of home. She didn't really fit in at home with her parents. Her mother and father loved her, she knew, but they also feared her. Her parents never understood that magic that Lily possessed. To them magic was beyond understanding. Over the years this had created an awkward rift among the Evans family, especially when you considered Petunia's feelings. Petunia was Lily's older sister; she didn't even attempt to hide her contempt towards Lily and her "freaky abilities." At Hogwarts Lily wasn't different, she was simply Lily.

"Earth to Lily." Alice said, snapping her fingers in an attempt to gain her attention.

"Sorry Alice. I guess I spaced off." Lily said returning to the present. The train had finally arrived. All around them students gather together in small groups preparing to take the carriages up to the castle.

"Since when do you day dream? That's typically my habit." Alice gave Lily an odd sort of look before continuing, "Anyway, I asked if you knew who the Head Boy was? Curious as to who you'll be sharing those private dorms with all year."

"Head boy?" Lily paused, biting in her lip in thought. "Um, I actually don't know for sure. Though I assume Remus would be the most likely candidate. I should probably confirm it though, yes. Would be good to know who my roommate will be this year."

"Well. Doesn't look like you'll have long to wait." Alice said nodding her head to a small group of guys that were headed their way.

"Hello Ladies. Fancy some company?" Sirius Blacks, gave them both one of his trade mark smirks.

"Knowing you we won't have much say in the matter." Lily replied, rolling her eyes. It was well-known that Lily held very little fondness Sirius Black and his best friend James Potter. However, due to the budding friendship between Alice and self-proclaimed 'Marauders' she had been forced to learn how to be civil with them. Alice nudged Lily with her elbow, reprimanding Lily for her comment.

"Oh Flower. You love our company!" Sirius exclaimed. Before Lily could stop him, Sirius rushed to her side, embracing her in an enthusiastic bear hug. He lifted her off the he ground, shaking her back and forth gently. Lily couldn't move her arms due to his embrace, a fact which quickly terrified her. She felt her whole body tense, her breathing immediately became erratic and short. Her heart was beating uncontrollably. She felt like she was suffocating, unable to take in breath of air. Panic overtook her.

"NO! GET OFF!" Lily lashed out, violently shoving Sirius off of her. Realization dawned on her, her eyes went wide with shock. She dropped to her knees wrapping her arms around herself, sobbing.

"What the hell, Padfoot!" James yelled. He didn't understand what had upset her but he recognized terror when he saw it. He stepped closer to Lily wanting to comfort her but the closer he got, the harder she sobbed. His heart wept, _Lily._ The woman he loved, so bold and beautiful, now fearful and broken. James could only stare at her, wide eyed and bewildered as he watched Lily weep. He was afraid to move, not wanting to make her suffer more. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He pryed his eyes from Lily to see Alice at his side.

"James. Could you give us a moment?" Alice asked, her eyes sad as she watched her friend weep. "We'll be along shortly, just save us both a seat in the carriage. Alice glanced to Sirius who had remained silent this whole time, immobilized by shock. All four boys nodded in agreement before moved along toward the carriage leaving Alice and Lily alone.

"Lily…" Alice said, slowly approaching her friend. "Lily its me. Its Alice."

Taking a shuddering breath, Lily finally looked up to see her friend. Her eyes were red from crying. Her reapplied make-up and smeared yet again. "Alice. I-I didn't mean. I-I don't know-"

"Shhh." Alice sat down next to her friend, pulling her into a hug. "Its okay. You don't need to explain. Its okay."

"I couldn't breath." Lily said, wiping the tears from her eyes. Her heart rate was finally slowing and she was regaining control of her body. "I couldn't move. Josh…he wouldn't let me move."

Alice nodded, listening to her friend's words. "Josh isn't here. It's just you and me. He won't hurt you ever again I promise."

"Sirius..did I. Is he ok?" Lily said, looking in the direction of where the boys and left.

"Sirius is fine. It'll take more than a punch from you to break that git." Alice said, relieved when Lily giggled at her joke. "Your reaction shocked him. You scared him, you scared all of us."

Lily nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize but we should probably get you cleaned up. The boys will only be able to hold that carriage for so long." Lily nodded in response. Alice helped Lily to her feet. "Here allow me." Alice pulled out her wand. With a flick of her wand, the bruise that was peeking out from under the smeared makeup disappeared.

"Thank you." Lily said, taking another calming breath.

"Sure. You okay now." Alice asked lacing her arm through Lily's. The redhead nodded and both girls walked to the carriage where the boy were waiting.

The six of them sat in silence as the carriage carried them closer to the castle. Lily stared off into space but she couldn't help but feel several pairs of eyes on her, watching. No one spoke, yet the questions and expressions of concern were there, lingering in the glances sent her way. At first, she was grateful for it but as time stretched on she grew weary of the awkward silence and questioning eyes.

"So…Remus." Lily finally said, breaking the silence. "I'm assuming we will be spending extra time together this year, with the shared dorm and all."

"Shared dorm?" Remus asked, confused by her words for a moment, then understanding dawned. "You mean the head dorms? Um, no actually I'm not head boy." Remus glances beside him but remained quiet.

"Not head boy?" Lily said clearly surprised. "But then who-"

"Me." The voice interrupted.

Lily's gaze shifted to the messy haired boy sitting beside Remus. "Excuse me?" She said, unsure on if her mind was playing tricks on her.

"That's right, Evans! Prongs here will be playing head boy to your head girl." Sirius smirked, before nudging James with his elbow.

James remained quiet staring at Lily, taking in her reaction.

"Dumbledore has finally cracked." Alice said, "That's the only explanation."

"Oi! Prongs here will be a great head boy!" Sirius said coming to his friend's defense.

The two Gryffindor's began to argue, childishly. Ignoring the staring contest going on between the two Heads.

"I'm sure Dumbledore has his reasons." Lily said finally, interrupting the ongoing bickering. "Congratulations, Potter."

James nodded, "Thank you." He said simply. The carriage again returned to the awkward silence, this time for a completely different reason that before. Had Evans really just congratulated Potter on becoming Head Boy? The world was a strange place indeed.


End file.
